2. I think the first paragraph has some unnecessary information. Also, the problem should be stated up front. The last paragraph sounds very demanding and "thanks in advance" should not be used.
I recently purchased "Negotiator Pro", unfortunately it wouldn't wourl with my computer. When I tried to return it, I was directed to contact you for help. I would appreciate it if you could either exchange the version I have now for one that will work or give me a refund. Thank you.
9. The letter is not addressed to anyone in particular, so who will want to respond to it? The first two sentences dont say what information they want, just that they need it promptly. All the questions are grouped together with no explanation.
Dear (insert name here):
Would you send me some more information about resorts in Florida, specifically ones that are near large cities and offer public transportation? My family and I are planning a trip for late September and we saw your advertisement in the April 2009 issue of Smithsonian magazine. Also, would you send information about attractions and entertainment, including prices? It would be helpful to recieve this information as soon as possible so that we may finalize our plans. Thank you.
Sincerely
Frank C. Atlas
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